Exec No. 1: "I think we should price our printers at a reasonable, yet not cut-rate price, and charge as low a price as possible on replacement ink cartidges as a way of guaranteeing that customers keep using our product instead of switching to another brand."

Exec No. 2: "Wait, I have a better idea. Let's charge a ridiculously low price for the printers themselves ­ you know, basically give 'em away,­ then we put little, dinky, sample-size ink cartridges in them that run dry in a week, and then WHAM!"

Exec No. 1: "Wham?"

Exec No. 2: "Yeah, you know,­ we nail our customers with an incredibly high price for the regular-size cartridges that fit in our printer, something like $40 or $50. And here's the catch --­ we don't allow any outside companies to make cartridges for our products. Only WE get to make them, so customers HAVE to buy from us. It's perfect!"

Exec No. 1: "I like it. But what happens if the customers, you know, notice that they're paying $50 for what amounts to three cents of plastic and five cents of ink? Won't they get mad and stop buying our products altogether, including the printers?"

Exec No. 2: "Nah. See here's the beauty of the plan: We get all the other printer manufacturers to do the same thing. That way there's no way for the customer to escape the clutches of our evil plans. Bwahahahahahahaha!"

Exec No. 1: "Bwahahahahaha? What the hell's that?"

Exec No. 2: "It's just something I like to do."

Perhaps you suspect from the above conversation and its somewhat snide tone that I am a wee bit annoyed at computer printer manufacturers and their proprietary, money-grubbing, back-asswards way of thinking.

But you would be wrong. I am not a wee bit annoyed. I'm a downright ticked-off, hacked-off, honked-off, 100 percent furious consumer. I've all but stopped using my printer. Here I have this wonderful technology, and I almost can't use it. I've definitely given up on color printing. It's just too expensive. Color replacement cartridges for my printer cost $42! I'm not paying that just so my kids can print out their doodles. No way. For the relatively few color projects I do for work, I now stick them on disc and take them to Kinkos.

As for black and white printing, I've gone the way of the needle. I go to Target and buy for $14.99 a kit with a syringe and a bottle of ink and I inject my old cartridge. Usually it works just fine. I recommend you try it.

That I have been reduced to that is amazing, since I am the world's laziest human being. If replacement cartridges were even as low as $25, I'd skip the hassle and the mess of the syringe and hand my money over to Lexmark.

But I refuse to do that anymore. It's just too damned unfair. I may be lazy, but I also don't like being gouged. And that's precisely what printer companies are doing.

That's insulting enough, of course. Who likes to have money hoovered out of their wallet, especially for what, for most, is a luxury item?

What's worse, though, is how insulting it is. Do the printer companies really think we're too stupid to notice? Are they counting on the laziness factor? After all, I'm a cyber-dummy, but I'm still far more willing to poke around inside my computer and its components than your average bear.

So I suspect that's it -- the printer manufacturers are counting on the fact that most people are afraid of their computers and will blindly go by what the manual says, even if the manual calls for a $50 replacement cartridge.

For those people, those phobics, I have a suggestion: Skip the replacement cartridges, which together can cost nearly $100. Instead, the next time you run out of ink, simply buy a new printer. Only low-end ones, though. Even drug stores have them now, and decent ones go for $50.

Not only will you be taking advantage of the latest technological improvements (even low-end printers now are better than mid- to high-end ones from a year ago), but you'll also be screwing the screwers because printer cartridges are where the big profit margins are for printer manufacturers.

I know a few people who are doing this now and it's actually lowered their overall printing costs.

Not only that, but it's oh-so-satisfying to know that you're thwarting the black-hearted suits in the printer industry. So says the fly on the wall.

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