TCS - High Tech Computer Sales Jargon
High Tech Computer Sales Jargon
From the August 1999 issue of the I/O Port Newsletter
Ever wanted to know what all those brilliant lines that make us buy things we don’t want or need REALLY mean?
NEW
Different color from previous design
ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE
Imported product
UNMATCHED
Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY
Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION
No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN
The advertising agency doesn’t understand it
IT’S HERE AT LAST!
Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED
Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY
Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY
Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY
It’s different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH
We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC
No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE
A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE
Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED
Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED
Assembly machines operated without gloves on
PERFORMANCE PROVEN
Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS
Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE
Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY
Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY
We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE
When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION
Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS
We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY
You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE
Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES
We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED
Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED
Does things we can’t explain
LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY
One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
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Tulsa Computer Society 7/10/99
Don Singleton, President
djs@ionet.net