Guilty, the strange judge shouted as he banged the gavel. The defendant will rise and receive his sentence. You have been found guilty of dirty deeds done to your computer and are sentenced to electrocution!" I thought to myself, with myknees shaking, there must be some kind of an appeal process since the judge and jury all had heads that looked like monitors and bodies like upright computers and could easily be biased and not in my human favor!

I did find the testimony at my trial to be informative. A clean environment does not require computer cleaning usually more than once a year. Many computer users like to do the cleaning when they are doing their annual spring house cleaning. The dirtier the environment the greater frequency of cleaning needed. A clean computer cuts down on downtime, repair bills, and minimizes health risks. DO NOT EAT, DRINK, SMOKE, OR USE MAGNETS NEAR YOUR COMPUTER AFTER ALL IT IS NOT A FAST FOOD JOINT!

Here are some tips: (1) shut your computer down properly, (2) run scan disk and defragmenter at least monthly, (3) Delete files and programs you no longer need, (4) use antivirus, anti spyware programs and a good hard drive cleaner like the freeware CCleaner and a registry cleaner like the freeware RegClean to keep your hard drive healthy, (5) BACK UP YOUR DATA IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY!

When cleaning your computer case, use a damp lint free cloth. NEVER SPRAY WATER ON A COMPUTER OR OTHER ELECTRICAL DEVICES. Place liquid on the cloth not directly on the system and normally 100% alcohol which has no water content. Use a pencil eraser on hard to remove marks. The monitor can be cleaned with a commercial glass cleaner using a damp clean lint free cloth. Using an anti static wipe or a dry cloth with anti-static fabric softener will reduce the dust attracted by static discharge. The keyboard can be cleaned by turning the keyboard upside down and shaking the gunk out of it while singing, "There is a whole lot of shaking going on." Clean the keyboard surface with a damp lint free cloth with 100% alcohol. DO NOT TAKE THE KEYBOARD APART OR YOU MIGHT NOT GET IT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN! Clean the mouse by taking it apart using a damp lint free cloth and clean the rollers inside of the mouse (be sure to rotate them) with a clean cotton swab with 100% alcohol solution. After the mouse has dried put it back together reversing the steps you did when taking it apart. The inside of your computer is a dust magnet. An annual cleaning in a normal computer environment is a good idea. YOU MUST BE VERY CAREFUL IF YOU DECIDE TO CLEAN THE INSIDE OF YOUR COMPUTER OR YOU COULD DO DAMAGE TO YOUR SYSTEM! Whenever, you go into the case of your computer it is a good idea to wear a grounding strap to reduce the risk of a static discharge. Blow out dust with compressed air or a vacuum cleaner. Avoid touching chips or electronic components on your system. Electronic components run hotter when covered with dust blankets, and it shortens their normal life span which is why your computer needs to be cleaned internally periodically.

I have to go now to get a human attorney to appeal my case so I can avoid electrical execution so there will be another article in the Computer Hysteria Column for next month. However, I do have one final question for you, "Are you guilty?"

This article has been provided to APCUG by the author solely for publication by APCUG member groups. All other uses require the permission of the author (see e-mail address above).

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