A decade ago, early in my use of the Internet, I was astonished by its ability to create coincidences -- true story! I was consulting for an online service that gave me an email address used only for their work. I received a note at that address with the intriguing subject, "I am you", from another Gabriel Goldberg. (Nowadays, that's the sort of spoofed email I'd likely delete without reading.) He'd checked his entry in the service's directory and found my entry next to his. We exchanged pleasantries, described ourselves, shared wonder at having found each other; he mentioned that he was a music student in Boston.
Later that week, I received another note at my regular email address, from a woman who said that she'd known a Gabe Goldberg years earlier, the last she'd heard from him he was going to Boston to study music, and was I that person. I replied to her, copying the other Gabe, that either they were playing a joke on me or we had a mighty powerful coincidence.
Truth is stranger than joke: they were former high school sweethearts who had drifted apart. In the same week they both found my name and two different email addresses, and for very different reasons, they contacted me. I later heard from her mother, who thanked me for reuniting them! And, remarking on the coincidence of names, the other Gabe wondered "how guys named Jim Smith handle all the coincidences".
Participating in mailing lists, newsgroups, and Web sites leaves online footprints and makes us visible. The bad news is that's one of the ways spammers find targets, but the good news is that being visible makes it easier for lost friends to track us down. Soon after 9/11 I heard a voice on the phone I hadn't heard for nearly 30 years: my college girlfriend. She'd searched Google (often called "Googling") for me, found me, and called. We've stayed in touch since, have gotten together several times, and have shared news of our respective families. And just recently I used Google to contact an elementary school friend after hearing of her taking a new job in San Francisco.
A friend, Ross Patterson, reports another name collision. Having been online since the 1970s, he never used an alias, has always used his own name for email and his Web site. Everything was fine for about four years, but in 2002, a comedic film called "The New Guy" [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0241760] came out. He notes that it was a critical success, if you count one to one and a half stars a success. A co-starring role was played by (a different) Ross Patterson (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0666388). A few months later he started to receive emails from young women through his Web site email address. Most assumed he was "that Ross Patterson", although some asked outright. Most said that he was "kewl" and "sooooooo HOT!!!!", and often asked for autographs. Being the father of a teenage girl, he wrote back politely to each young lady explaining that he wasn't the fellow they were looking for, and deleted their correspondence. Several responded, all nicely, and he traded a few friendly notes with one girl.
Another coincidence earned me a colleague, client, and friend. After forwarding a meeting notice to a local professional mailing list, I received an earnest note from someone I didn't know, saying that the topic of the meeting was outrageous and that I should attend representing her and protest what was proposed for discussion. I'd normally simply delete such out-of-the-blue notes, but this one was so well-crafted and so earnest that I couldn't resist cautiously replying, asking whether she really meant to address me. Of course, she hadn't -- someone in her company had forwarded the note internally, she'd responded to me by mistake instead of her colleague. But we continued chatting, became friends, and she became a client. If I hadn't responded to the forwarded note, we'd never have met.
Sometimes the Internet simply facilitates synchronicity, related events happening at the same time. A few years ago, two friends independently mentioned online that they had made a New Year's resolution to start new relationships. So I introduced them and arranged a blind date!
Amidst the fun of unanticipated connections and reestablished friendships, there's a cautionary note: online has a long memory. Web sites like Google cache (retain) Web pages even after they're deleted from their original Web locations. Postings to mailing lists, Web forums, newsgroups, and other online venues are usually retained indefinitely. It can be unnerving to discover that items posted in the heat of the moment or as youthful indiscretions can be retrieved years later by potential employers or new acquaintances -- or someone snooping for unpleasant reasons.
Just as it's worth checking your credit report periodically, it's a good idea to occasionally check what online trails you've left. My current favorite surfing tool is Google, so I search for "Gabe Goldberg" and "Gabriel Goldberg". (The quote marks bind the first and last names together so that only Web pages having the exact full name are found. I search on Gabe/Gabriel because I've used both names.) If your name is closer to Jim Smith's -- offering 56,000 hits rather than the more manageable 182 for my name -- you can tighten the search by adding terms such as a middle initial, state of residence, hobby, employer, etc. But don't make the search too narrow or you may miss genuine references.
It's tedious to erase tracks from an online history; it requires contacting each site that hosts material you'd like to delete, perhaps following instructions and filling out forms. Some mailing list sites refuse as a matter of policy to delete list postings, reasoning that doing so would distort a list's historical record. The government has made serious efforts to sanitize the Web by removing content deemed dangerous, such as plans for water/power system. But the Wayback Machine (http://www.archive.org/index.html) archives many years' of Web data. For example, the first image shown of www.whitehouse.gov is from December 1996. Even when successful, scrubbing data off Web sites often doesn't really make it unavailable, it just slows people finding it. It's much better to avoid saying anything online that might return to haunt you, than try to clear the record after the fact.
This article appeared originally on AARP's Computers and Technology Web site,
There is no restriction against any non-profit group using this article as long
as it is kept in context with proper credit given the author. The Editorial
Committee of the Association of Personal Computer User Groups (APCUG), an
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Tulsa Computer Society 11/01/2004
Don Singleton, President